It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The power of my boobs compel you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
