new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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