i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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