Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
