I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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