Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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