You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
