Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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