WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
