If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
