what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
