I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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