I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
