Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
