So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
