I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
