Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
