it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
barbara walters just said penis...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
