Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
