we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
