one two three fourrrrnication!
no, he came in my armpit
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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