It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
