I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
