Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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