I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
