i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
