he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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