So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
