Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
