At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think people are normalizing furries
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
