Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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