So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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