bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
