good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
