3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
