whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
