Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
