The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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