Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Found the puke drawer
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
