Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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