Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
