I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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