Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
