How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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