My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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