then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
