I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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