no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
