I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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