I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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