I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
