i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
