I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
