whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
