Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
