yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
