I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
